[EE-2409-01]

The Narrator

[Description]

Overview

The Narrator, hereby referred to as EE-2409-01, is a divine being capable of controlling and influencing the actions of anyone present in the same universe as itself. Its motivation is to tell its own universal, fulfilling story.
EE-2409-01 holds control over its universe of origin, universe 400.1203, hereby referred to as EE-2409-02. Every sentient creature in EE-2409-02 is subject to mental manipulation and control by EE-2409-01.

Appearance

EE-2409-01 is, according to mental research on the crew it encountered, a glowing humanoid figure roughly eight feet tall with no distinctive features, notably a lack of sensory organs or respiratory ducts.

Function

EE-2409-01 is able to perceive the actions of all of those in its universe and, at its own whim, can influence or force someone to do or say something. This makes it effectively impervious to any form of assault from within its universe. It is hypothesized, but not confirmed, that this ability could extend to any universe it inhabits. It doesn’t often force its hand, but if the story isn’t going right, I’ll make sure to.
EE-2409-01. What a mouthful. Just call me EE or something. I’m not really gonna bother hiding anymore. Doesn’t suit me.

[History and Discovery]

Recovery

Much better.
It really was strange. There I was, minding my own business, doing a bit of meditating. Keeping an entire universe’s worth of life in check is no small task, you know. When suddenly I feel a massive disturbance. I’m no stranger to people intruding in my story. It’s happened before, and they became part of my story. Pieces in my grand, infinite game of chess. But this… this was different. I felt it like fucking red hot railroad spikes in my skin. Whatever this was, I was not going to let it interfere with my life’s work. And guess who it could have been, to strike at the concept of me so profoundly?
It was you. The Shroominati, self proclaimed protectors of the multiverse, savior of all. So righteous you must think you are, trying to protect life from the danger you think I am. I know who you are and what you do. It helps having an entire universe’s worth of knowledge at my disposal, with some help from those who have encountered you before.
I consider myself to be pretty merciful, all things considered. So I drove you out, made sure every single man and woman on your ship had my warning ingrained in their head. To leave this place alone.

History

Describe the past of the anomaly. You go ahead, I’ll correct you.
EE-2409-01 There you go again. What a name. has likely existed for roughly ██████████ years in its universe, Oh, blanking stuff out, huh? Alright. I appreciate the respect for my privacy. possibly being the first intelligent life to arise from it. Little is known about how it obtained its power, That’s the point. but it is assumed that it has always had Okay, that’s enough. this is fucking excruciating to read. You clearly don’t know what you’re talking about, don’t try to pretend you do.
When the only conscious mind in the entire universe is you for who knows how many hundreds of millions of years, you’d understand if I said it got boring. As soon as another mind was born, I felt it. I connected with it, and I could exert myself through it. I have to admit it was an intoxicating feeling. Another consciousness entered. And another, and another, and over time, I grew to have millions, billions, trillions of people under my influence. Sometimes a few would slip through the cracks, but they never escaped my eye for long. And now, you think you’re doing some great service by trying to remove me from the equation, and for what? To let them prosper on their own?
You assholes have no idea what you’re doing here. No idea what you’re interfering with. All those lives? They are nothing without me guiding them towards their greatest purpose, to tell the greatest story ever told. If you take me out, they won’t know ANYTHING. They have evolved under my influence, all my nudges here and there, abusing the butterfly effect, leading up to the great universal climax. You’d be doing both them and me a favor by fucking off and minding your own business.

[Containment and Testing]

Test Logs

TEST LOG EE-2409-01-A: At the time of initial contact with EE-2409-02, the crew aboard the vessel were immediately placed under the influence of EE-2409-01. The crew reports that they had heard the same voice in their head, telling them to repeatedly “get out.” The crew immediately proceeded to non-voluntarily leave the universe.

TEST LOG EE-2409-02-A: Another vessel was sent to investigate EE-2409-02 with shields to offer protection from cognitive influence. Contact was lost with the vessel moments after entry, and the crew is presumed lost or dead.

Interview Logs

Due to its nature, interviews could not be performed directly with EE-2409-01 without risking the safety of any researchers involved.

INTERVIEW 01: Researcher ████████ and Captain ████

Researcher ████████: So, tell me what happened when you entered EE-2409-02.
Captain ████: It was… It was frightening. As soon as we got in, I- we all fell to the ground and realized... I couldn’t move. I got up a few seconds later, but it wasn’t me that was getting up. Someone else was getting up for me. It’s like I was watching a movie.
Researcher ████████: Were you trying to move? What was happening inside your head?
Captain ████: I was trying to talk, to move my arm or anything, but it felt like my entire being was in a vice grip. My life flashed before my eyes in a matter of seconds, an entire collage of everything I’ve ever heard, said, seen, or done. And then I and everyone else started to just… say “leave”, over and over again. I heard it in my ears, and in my head too, like, my very fiber of my being. It was deafening. I really wanted nothing more in that moment to leave. Our pilots moved to bring us back, outside the universe, and as soon as we were gone, we all collapsed again. It was terrifying.

INTERVIEW 02: Researcher ████████ and Researcher █████

Interview was conducted after publication of this article.
Researcher ████████: We saw your article, and we’re not deeming this as satisfactory. What the fuck is this writing? Are you pretending to be that… thing?
Researcher █████: God, you’re so conceited. I said it in the document. “I made sure to leave a piece of myself in the consciousness of one of your own.”
Researcher ████████: Yes, but you must explain yourself. Are you the anomaly? What is your goal?
Researcher █████: I suppose I am, in a way. I’m an echo of the consciousness of my real self in that other universe. Turns out it was a shitty idea, since now I’m stranded here with you lot of dumbasses.
Researcher █████: Yeah, I guess I do have an agenda. And as long as you stop sticking your noses where it doesn't belong, the snake won’t bite. And believe me when I say this snake will BITE.

Researcher ████████: And what exactly are you going to do if we are relentless? You’re holding an entire innocent universe hostage. Why should we just ignore that?
Researcher █████: Yeah, let me just tell you my whole evil plan. Fuck off.

Researcher █████ then refused to respond to any questioning, and is currently being held in isolation. No major effects or powers have been demonstrated from Researcher █████, but those in close proximity with him have reported an overpowering feeling of drowsiness and anxiety.

[Addendums]

Addendum 1

I’m not in your universe, so unfortunately, I have no idea what’s going on over there. I made sure to leave a piece of myself in the consciousness of one of your own, so that when this article gets created, it will serve as a message to those who will listen.

Sure, maybe you’ve saved lives. Maybe you’ve even saved mine at one point or another. I suppose I should thank you if that’s true. I may sound evil to you, and I can live with that. Hell, maybe I am evil. I’m a necessary evil though. I don’t blame you wanting to try and take me out. But you have no idea what the greater implications would be if I’m gone, so I am only going to say this once.

Addendum 2

Stay out of my way. Or I’m going to push back, and you won’t like it.

Addendum 3

Following Interview 02, previous addendums and interference from EE-2409-01 will be preserved in order to learn more about its motivations and whether or not to deem it a serious threat.